Fathers who stick around...

Recently I’ve been hearing a lot of things about fathers. I say fathers, because I remember hearing a quote saying “It’s one thing to father a child, but it’s another to be a dad.”

I believe in this quote completely.

Although I have no children myself, and I don’t know, from experience, how hard it is, I think I have a pretty good idea. I’ve been brought up as one of the oldest of my generation in our extended family, and there are a lot of us.

I’m hearing a lot of stuff about deadbeat dads, and about dads who have stuck around for their kids, which isn’t surprising since I spend my mornings listening to Jeremy Kyle, whilst applying for jobs. I just feel like the dads that stick around need a bit of credit too.

I never hear anything good said about dads, and I think it’s time something was said!

Yeah, a deadbeat may not take responsibility for his kid, but what about the guys that do?

I have a lot of respect for them, even if their child is their responsibility. Responsibility doesn’t make you love someone, unconditionally. Responsibility doesn’t make your heart pound when your child cries – that’s just what a dad does!

There a dads out there who cook, who clean, do the laundry, wash the dishes, work, and still find time to be dads to their kids, and I think that’s the most important quality any father can have.

Someone who actually finds time for their kids.

I even admire what some people call ‘part-time fathers’ who are only allowed to see their children on weekends. I mean, they could choose not to see them at all, right?

The you have the men who raise someone else’s child. There’s not many men, in my opinion, that would do that. It’s a great thing to do, and I for one salute those men.

We can’t just say ‘a woman works hard’ or ‘mums work so hard’, because lots of men do it too, and we can’t just cast them aside! It’s unfair, and it’s discriminatory.

Some men are scared, and some men are worried, but it doesn’t stop them from taking responsibility for their own children.

There are men who would skip work, knowing they would be fired for missing too many days, because yet again, their child was sick. It may not be the smartest move, but it shows how much they care.

And lets not just assume this is only married men over a certain age either! I’ve seen boys, yes, boys, at seventeen, leave college because they had to go and pick their child up from nursery.

Plenty of my friends are parents now, something I’m not entirely ready to join in with yet, but some of the fathers are there, and some aren’t. Some of them see their children, and some don’t. I guess it’s the way life goes, but I think those that stick around, do deserve the respect that any mother would get.

Some mothers don’t plan to keep their children with them, and some feel that they don’t have a choice, after all, they’re the ones who carry the children for nine months, and then give birth to them. They have all of that bonding time, a lot more than the father has, yet, as if magically, these men still love their children, right from the word go.

They take their kids to the park on weekends, and they take them to school. They collect them at the end of the day, and they go to PTA meetings. They play an active part in these childrens lives, and I just want to say well done.

Every one of you could have just walked out, but you didn’t. You made a choice to stay with your children, and that, especially if you’re very young, is something that you should be proud of.

Most people would say ‘why be proud? It’s what they should do!’ While this is true, these men have stood above others, and I feel like every day, there are more and more children being born into the world, with fathers who love them, and who want to know them, and spend time with them. At least, I hope this is true.

Does life really just pass you by?

Today, my best friend had a baby. She’s 19 years old.

It made me think about how fast I’m growing up myself. I mean…I’m a godmother. It seems like only yesterday I was turning five years old, and my grandpa sat my 101 Dalmatians cake in front of me, and I blew out all those candle.
At one point in my life, it felt like a lifetime ago…but not so much anymore…
I mean look at me now! I’ve gone from 2lb 14oz, to 9stone. I’m 5’3” now. I’m a big girl.
I have GCSE’s and everything, I’m not in school, I’m looking for my first proper job…how old am I now?
I thought that just last week, I was running around the concrete, playing rounders and Kirby with all of my childhood friends. Now I’m all grown up…ready to go on alone.
It’s a scary prospect…when I think about being an adult.
I always wanted to be independent…but no, I just wish I was fourteen again. I wish I was at school, with my friends, playing would you rather and laughing at the teachers.

I feel like I should be moving out of my parents home, working 9-5 every day, getting married, having children…I feel like I should be doing it all. I shouldn’t be out at night, drinking. I shouldn’t be watching television or on the computer all the time.
I should be at my house, my own house, cleaning, and feeding the baby, and making my husbands tea.

Do we realize it though? I mean…while it’s all happening. In the future, when I am married, when I do have children, will I realize that I’m grown up, or will I still feel like a child?
Will it take something like that to force me to realize that I make my own decisions now? That I’m legally a responsible adult?

Why has it taken my best friend giving birth to make me realize that I am older? Of course, it’s not like I’m 30, living off mum and dad, and claiming benefits. Well, I am claiming job seekers allowance, but that’s not really the point here.

What does it take for someone to really grow up? Do we need this major even to happen to realize it, or does it just happen?My mum still cooks all of my meals for me…but I’m an adult. Surely I should do it?
My dad still drives me places…but I’m an adult, surely I should be getting my licence? There are all these things attached to growing up, that we don’t understand and don’t know, and there’s not a rule book out there to tell us how to do it.
So how do we know when it’s time?

It’s time for me now. It’s time for me to grow up now. I’ve realized that I’m not a child, I’m an adult. I have responsibilities, to my parents, my sisters, my friends, my country and, to myself.
I can’t live like a child for the rest of my life.

It’s time to take down the posters on my wall (well, we can work on that another time ;) ), it’s time to get a good job, it’s time to start doing things for myself, and take control of my own life.
It’s not like I can’t do it, and I know you guys can too.

Life passes you by so fast…and sometimes we don’t realize it…when the day goes too slow, or we’re waiting for a big event…it doesn’t seem like time is going any faster, but it is.
I’m turning 19 this summer, and before I know what’s hit me, I’ll be using anti-aging creams, I’ll have my own little walking stick, I’ll be grandma…

Savour the time you have, as a child and an adult, because you don’t know when life is going to go by too fast, or when it’ll slow down.

I know that I want to go travelling, and I want to see things. I want to experience things...and I'm going to do it. I'll do whatever I can to make my life a great one, and you should too.

I’m going to leave off here with my favourite Quote. It’s by William Shakespeare, from the play Julius Caesar.

I believe that this quote is telling us how important our lives are, and how important it is to take that opportunity whenever it arises, because it may not come again. Don’t turn your back on a fabulous opportunity.
In the words of the ever famous Hannah Montana (I’ll admit, I have the albums…) ‘Life’s what you make it, so let’s make it rock.’

“There is a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. Omitted, all the voyages of their life is bound in shadows and miseries. On such a full sea are we now

afloat, and we must take the current as it serves, or lose our ventures.”

~ Brutus, Julius Caesar.

“I’m never going to turn into my mother.”...but why?

“I’m never going to turn into my mother.” It’s something we all say, but do we really believe it?
Have our mothers really done us so wrong that we don’t want to be anything like them?

Sometimes I think…why don’t I want to turn into my mother? Is it something about pride, or is it the fact that I want to be myself, and I don’t want to be compared to anyone else?

Of course, my mother an I, like every other mother and know-it-all daughter, fight. We always have done, and I’m sure we’ll continue to do so, but does that really mean I dislike how she raised me, or who she is?

I love my mum to bits, and I don’t see any reason not to turn into her, as I’ve grown older.

Of course, some of us have terrible mothers, and some of us have fantastic mother, but at the end of the day, she is your mum, and that’s the be all and end all.
When I look back, over the past 19 years, I realize that never, not once, did my mother do me wrong. Every single thing she did, everything, she had my interests, and my sisters interests at heart.

I think there’s something about growing up, that makes you realize that you are growing up, and you’re not a child. You are responsible for your actions and your life…and it makes you look back on everything.

My best friend is due her baby anytime now. She went into labour tonight, and it got me thinking about when I have children.
It’s always been a dream of mine to have a big family. I want to be successful, I want people to know my opinions, because I feel I have something to say, but if I had to choose between people knowing who I am, and my family? I know who wins, hands down.
I thought about the kind of mother I’d be. Fair enough, I have full nursery staff training, so I may think of it from a different point of view than others, but it’s my point of view, and it’s what I know.

I’m not going to raise my children by what I read in some silly text book, I’m going to raise them based on life. My life, their life, what happens along the way, and if I make some mistakes, then I’ll learn from them. Luckily, I actually can’t think of a single mistake my mum made with me.
Maybe I’m looking at it through rose-tinted glasses, but maybe I’m not.

I was born eleven weeks prematurely. I was in the Scotsman newspaper, because I was so early, and I had a new drug tested on me. From the minute I was born, my mum was by my side, and she still is.

We don’t have the best relationship…I don’t feel comfortable discussing things with her…sex, boys, what I get up to on a night out…but neither do most teens. I mean, who actually wants to have ‘the talk’ with their mother? Not me, I’ll tell you that for nothing!

Like I say, she had my best interests in mind, always, even if I didn’t know it at the time.
I remember, my little sister was two, I was 12. Of course, by twelve, I’m a full blown adult. I mean we all are, right? Haha!

So my mum goes to the bathroom, and I decide I want a hug. I knew it was wrong, and I shouldn’t pick her up, especially with my tiny frame, but I did.
When my mum came and saw me, I was in for it. I knew it. She grounded me and I was angry. I told her I did nothing wrong. I told her I was just being nice, but I was grounded anyway.
In that moment, my mum says she was so scared. She was so scared of what could have happened if my sister sung her head back and I dropped her.

Now, looking back, I don’t blame her. She wanted my sister to be safe, and she knew if I had dropped her, I would be hurt too. I would feel guilty, and my sister could have had serious injuries.
I thank my mum for grounding me and teaching me that lesson.

I want to be like that for my children. I want to keep them safe, and protect them as much as I can. I want to protect them like my mother protected me and my sisters.

As I child, I was allowed out to play with my friends every day. I wasn’t restricted to the back garden, but I was restricted to our street.
My mum was trying to keep me safe then too.

I could climb trees, and I could fight with other kids, and no, my mum never encouraged it, but I never got in trouble for it. She let me take risks, and fight with my friends, so that I could realise what was right and wrong, and judge things for myself.

I want to teach my children right from wrong, just like my mum taught me. I want to teach my children good judgement, of all kinds, like my mum taught me.

My bedtime used to be at 9:30, when I was fourteen. At least on a school night. At the time, I hated it. I cried and cried because all of my friends were allowed to stay up until ten o’clock! Ten O’Clock! Why wasn’t I allowed?

My mum would say it was too late, and I had to go to bed, and I would scream and fight and stomp and slam doors…anything to get her to let me stay up. None of it ever worked.
When my mum gave me a bed time, it wasn’t for her to be mean. She wanted time with my dad, to themselves, and she wanted me to be awake the next day. She didn’t want me walking around like a zombie in school and not learning anything.

She wanted to give me a good education. I want to mak sure my own children get the best education they can too, just like my mum did.

When my auntie would babysit us, I was the cheekiest child ever. My auntie and I have always been like sisters, as we are only six years apart in age. We treated each other like sisters, but sometimes I took it too far.

If my mum thought I was being too cheeky, or too rude, she would punish me. Take my favourite toy or gadget away, or ground me.
When she did that, she was teaching me values and morals. She was teaching me to be respectful to other people.

I want to teach my children to respect other people. I want to do what my mum did for me.

Even though I’m only 19, I do thank my mother. She’s already done so much for me - she even tells me off now for staying up too late! Speaking of, it’s 1:41 am and I should go to bed! Ha!

But I want to leave you with this. Why does almost every female say that they don’t want to be like their mother? I’ve said it myself…and now I ask myself why?

Remind me why we don’t want to turn out like our mothers? I know mine raised me pretty well…

I’m respectful, I’m safe, I set myself rules and boundaries, I’m mindful of other people, I’m independent…and most of all, I believe that I’m a good person.

I believe that I can reach for the stars, and if I try hard enough, one day, I might just catch one.

So what’s so wrong with turning into our parents?　

Love is Louder than the Pressure to be Perfect

Love is Louder than the pressure to be perfect.
The motto of a movement started by actress Brittany Snow, The Jed Foundation and MTV, to help prevent teenage, and indeed all, suicides, Love is Louder.

An Internet movement started mostly in America, it’s no surprise that most UK Citizens haven’t heard of this movement.

Supported by such stars as Sophia Bush, Demi Lovato, Lucas Gabreel, Vanessa Hudgens, Ke$ha, Joe Jonas and Perez Hilton, the movement hopes to raise awareness of the things going on with our teens today. It aims to prevent anything and everything that may harm, physically or emotionally, the kids of today's world.



Demi Lovato supports the action, having recently been
through some related personal issues



Recently out of Rehab, Disney channel star, Demi Lovato, 18, has been an inspiration to all of her fans, world wide. She, amongst others, has helped fans to realize that Love is Louder than the pressure to be perfect.

The movement began when several teenage lives were lost in the latter months of 2010, to suicide. It is for anyone who has ever felt mistreated, misunderstood, isolated, or just not right within themselves, something which most teens will go through.
Despite the fact that it’s very common for teens to feel this way, many don’t speak out about it.

The more voices, the louder the message becomes. That Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect.

The Jed foundation, a partner in the Love is Louder movement, is managed by Courtney Knowles, a personal friend of actress, Brittany Snow.
The Jed foundation is a mental health organization dealing with suicide and depression with college students in America.

When Brittany heard of the 2010 suicides and bullying, she claims to have called Courtney, asking if there was anything she could do about it. She wanted to get a message across to kids that they don’t have to feel like they have to deal with everything alone.

Open to everyone, the movement allows teens to know that other people have gone through similar things, and that no one is alone.
The movement was initially started via you tube videos and photographs, before it launched into a whole campaign.

Love is louder has a large base on the social networking sites, facebook and twitter, and encourages kids to ask for help when they need it.
Everyone is picked on, no matter how old they are, however, it hurts people in different ways. Some people can just walk away, and others are deeply saddened by the things other people say and do. Love is Louder is supposed to help them realize that they are better than that, and that no one has to change, to become someone or something that they aren’t.

Everyone in this world should be unique, and be themselves, because there’s no reason for them not to be.

It’s important that we don’t lose anyone to suicide, and teach kids that they aren’t alone. Sometimes it’s hard, when looking through magazines, listening to what other people say, and seeing someone be bullied for something as simple as, for example, tripping over, to then believe that you don’t need to be different and that people love you as you are, and that is what the supporters of this movement want to happen. They want you to realize that you are different, and it’s great. Embrace how different you are, or no one else will.
　
To get involved with Love is Louder, just visit their website (www.loveislouder.com), where you can be linked to their facebook and twitter movements.

　

　

　

Ashley Mullen

What's Wrong with Teenage Mums?

So at my second post, I probably have a lot of haters, just for the title of this.

Recently, someone ran their mouth about a friend of mine being 19 and pregnant. This someone is just 15. Obviously a very opinionated girl.

She made comments such as "Everyone knows teenage pregnancy is wrong." And went so far as to call my friend a "slag" She did this all online. Figures.

Anyway, I want to just get across the benefits of teenage pregnancy, and applaud my best friend for doing this.

Some may say I am biased because, at just 16, my gran gave birth to my uncle. Then at seventeen, my mother gave birth to me, an 11 week preemie. Then at 18, my auntie gave me a baby cousin.

Of course, being comfortable with my own sexuality, due to discussing sex with my mother and in school, the Child commented 'Well that explains you then.' Let's not even get into what happened next.

While teenage pregnancy rates have gone down, figures in recent years have also shown that younger mothers have a very high success rate.

Many people, when seeing a pregnant teenager, would say 'Oh. She's pregnant. Slag'. Well, if I ever hear someone say that, I'm the first to reply to them.

When you see a pregnant teen, you haven't a clue what she's been through. You don't know if that girl is married (Which she can be with parental consent in most places), in a long term relationship, if she's been raped, or if she only wanted to try having sex and ended up pregnant on her first time.

You have no idea of anyone Else's circumstances, and yet we all judge people. I'm guilty of it myself, I have judged people, I will most likely do so in the future too, no matter how much I try not to.

Then there's the thing about the teenager actually having the baby. Whilst termination is an option for some people, I strongly disagree with it myself, and I would be proud of any young lady who decided to have her baby; whether adopting or keeping her child.

Whilst it's illegal to have sex under the age of sixteen, when people see someone over sixteen pregnant, they still get judged, and that's what I truly don't understand.

At sixteen it's acceptable to be having sex, but not to get pregnant? Is that was today's society believes? At eighteen, you're a legal adult, but hey, if you have sex and get pregnant, you're on your own!

Because clearly, anyone who gets pregnant under, for example, 25, is going to end up quiting their jobs to become a single mother, live on a council estate and live off benefits her whole life, while smoking 40 a day and giving herself 'Special Injections' on a daily basis too? Get off it! If that's what you think of society then you have no belief in your own country!

These days there is so much support for teenage mothers - colleges even arrange childcare for you! How can you think that a teenage mother is going to be a bad mother when you don't know what she's going to do?

My friend is at University, going into her second year, and she's going to be living at home, getting child care for her baby, my god daughter, whilst she studies to get a decent job, with good money, to support her baby.

I know people who are a lot more unfit mothers than that!

My mother and father have been together for eighteen years. They went through so much when I was born, and I was on a ventilator for almost three months, when they were just seventeen and eighteen.

Now I have 3 younger sisters, and I've grown up to be, what I consider, a respectable young lady.

I don't go around shouting the odds, I don't go get drunk every night, in fact, I rarely drink, only on a night out, and I have 9 passed GCSE's, two college qualifications, and while claiming job seekers right now, I'm one of the few people who are actually looking for a job, and applying for jobs every day!

Did my mother raise me badly? No, I don't think so. I've had excellent school reports, went to one of the best schools in Stockport (Bramhall High School), and then went straight on to college.

I stayed in every night until I turned 17, I babysat the children next door for extra money, was never late, and attended both school and college every day. Is that an example of a bad mother, just because she was sixteen?

My friend has made everything revolve around her pregnancy. She doesn't drink, she's bought lots of things for her baby, and has friends and family to support her. Every single thing she does revolves around her child, and she has had little support from the father.

In my opinion, having to deal with something so important will help young women to grow up into better women and to have good morals. Of course, I'm not one to judge on what 'good morals' are, none of us are. Everyone has their own opinion of good and bad.

Also, as a young mother, in comparison to a 30 year old woman, you can move around and play with your child better. You have more energy to play and be active with your child, and, despite children not being accessories, you want to show your baby off more.

Many older mothers would be protective of their children, from what I have seen myself, and are very picky about where they take their babies and when; especially in the first few months.
Younger mothers, however, are very excited mostly, and want to take their baby to the park, and to the shops, and push their new pram, and try out their bouncy chair and swing. The experiences a baby may have with a younger mother are vast and wide.

Another thing is that younger mothers, especially those due in the summer, don't have to get back to work straight away, because most of them are in school or university. Of course, this would affect their studies, but there is most often a plan set up for their education, and they can take on an extra year, and take work home when they need to; whereas an older mother would have to get back to work quicker, in order to pay bills, because really, you can't live off of maternity pay.

The men play a big part in it too. Although I stated that my nameless friend has had little support from the baby's father, that's not always the case.

In fact, a lot of boys want to be involved in this day and age. They want to take their baby to the park, and they want to teach them to play football - some of them even want to change nappies!

The purpose of this blog is in no way to encourage kids to go and have babies, at all, or to say that older mothers are rubbish, that is certainly not the case at all, but it's to make people aware that teenagers who have babies aren't always as cliche as you think, and judging them is wrong.

Judging anyone is wrong.

I really don't have much more to say on this right now, and I am truly sorry if anyone is offended. This is my opinion of the matter and that is all.

Thank yous

Ashley xo

Stay Strong Everyone x